The kinkfetish community is made up of smaller communities.  Some of these are local, and some are virtual.  They are all where you go to learn, get support, engage with like-minded others and BE part of the community.   One would think that you join the community to BE a part of it.  But we all know the people who seem to be doing whatever they can to get themselves kicked out.

How do you get kicked out?  Here are some tried and true steps to follow.  If you don't get yourself kicked out after following these, you will at least have made yourself very unpopular.

1. Posturing. 

This is adopting an attitude that you are somehow better than  the people who have come before you.   Make fun of the mentors and disrespect the published authors.  Talk about them behind their backs as being outdated.  Declare loudly that sacred cows are there to milk and you would be lacking integrity if you did not point out the flaws of your betters so that other people can benefit from your courage to address the real issues.

2. Posing.

Become a poseur.   Find someone to imitate to ride on their coattails.  Adopt the mannerisms of your posee.  If they write in a forum, then you write in that forum.  If they befriend person A, then you befriend Person A.   If they have a cartoon avatar in victorian dress wearing a top hat, do the same.  Adopt a sagelike attitude and quote from their books or materials and pretend you thought it up yourself.  You don't need anything original, because its just imitation and imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, right?   Become incensed and outraged when people point out your copying as creepy.   Threaten to sue if someone calls it stalking.

3. Insist your way is the one true way.

You're the one true x, a trew sub, a trew dominante, whatever.  Everyone else is wrong and sadly misguided.  The organization is wrong and the people running it are wrong and dooming it to failure.  Question everything and demand change.  Of course the organization was on its deathbed till you became a member, and now that you're there, you're going to rescue it.  Surely everyone will see that when you are in charge, and they will wish you had run things from the beginning too.   Until they do, be outraged at anyone else's work if it doesn't fit your idea of trew.

4. Re-write history.

You showed  up, say, in 2006, and were so noob that you didn't know tab A from slot B.  A lot of people helped you, guided you, taught you.  At some point, erase your personal history of learning and who you learned from.  Re-invent it so that you sprang out of the ground as an expert.  Puff out your chest and practice blustering along these lines: Why, he never taught me anything!  I was never around them long enough to learn that!   We were only casually acquainted!   Huff with indignation and stomp out of the room to underline your point.

5.  Macerate on Mutiny.

A plan to take over needs help, and you can't do it on your own.  You need minions.  Get in the habit greeting everyone who comes in the room and talking with them privately.  Especially new people, who you can help see how misunderstood you are in the organization.   Drop carefully worded hints on how the organization's leader is not fit for the position, but you hope things will change..eventually.  Shake your head slowly in dismay and sigh with resignation. Grow your circle slowly and carefully and dream of election day when you will be the leader you were meant to be.  Understand that minions get lazy and will need constant maintenance to keep coming back and doing what you want them to. 

6. Squeak

They say that the squeaky wheel gets the grease.  So squeak often and squeak loudly.  Complain about the bathrooms, the play rooms, the bylaws.  Point out the peeling paint as a health hazard and really, they should be doing something about it if they cared the way you did.  It should be evident to an idiot that no one cares except you anyway.

7. Keep the stir stick going.

Keeping the pot stirred up distracts people from what you're really doing, so invest in a good set of gossip and keep it well maintained.  Gossip is always a good investment, and gossip you initiate today, will pay dividents tomorrow.   The more creative you make your gossip, the more interested you can keep your shareholders.  If ever you are confronted about creating rumor, deny everything and be astonished that anyone could ever think that about you.

8.  Take one from the team.

Teams are for people who aren't strong enough on their own.  You know you're stronger than any team and being on a team would just serve to weaken you.   Committees are for others who can't make decisions.  You don't need to be on a committee,  and teams are for woosies.  If you are offered to serve on a committee, offer to do the work yourself because you work better alone.  Don't actually do the work unless it benefits your grand plan.

9.  Use it if it fits the plan.

Your big ideas are destiny, and are just simply meant to be.  When you rescue your organization from its death throes, then everyone will thank you, carrying you out on their shoulders in jubilation.  So it doesn't really matter if you bend a few things to fit your plan, as the end justifies the means.  Use whatever you can to accomplish your plot for organization domination, whether it is people, funds, or politics.  Everyone will thank you for it later.

10.  Deal in drama.

Make everything about you.

I came across a picture of a violet wand kit on somebody's blog.  The blogger was describing how they went to a brick and morter kink retail store and saw this kit, and they took a picture of it and posted it to their blog.

It is truly one of the worse excuses for a violet wand 'KIT' I have ever seen.  I don't know who put it together, but it is sad.  Aside from the footswitch, GFCI and violet wand and case, obviously having had to be purchased from actual manufacturers, the rest of the kit is a sorry bunch of homemade or cheap nonsense.

This was the first thing that caught my eye; a lumpy, out of round, homemade lightbulb adaptor so bad that there ought to be a law.  I can't get the photo any clearer, but underneath the layers and layers of heat shrink tubing wrapped and overwrapped because its the only thing holding it all together, appears to be a lamp socket ripped out of someone's old lamp, complete with the brass threaded tubing. What is all that lumpiness under there, feces?   Its the large lumpy blackish piece at the right, the one with the frayed, ripped edges of rubber near the bottom of the black turd where it meets the brass threaded lamp stock.

This was a tip off right away that there is homemade nonsense in here.  Someone got the idea they could knock off a lightbulb adaptor set at their kitchen table using some lamp parts.  Hey, that's fine for your own toys, but they're selling this?  Mummifying your parts in tubing is a really handy way to hide your bad soldering skills underneath..and no excuse for not putting it together right in the first place.

Now, compare the black turd above to the photo below. The lightbulb adaptor in the below photo with the red background uses threaded lamp stock.  tsk tsk.  It was, in my opinion, the worst lightbulb adaptor ever made.  Till now, because the black turd is now miles below that.

Large Black turd's Retail Value=  -$0.00

This is a replacement radio antenna.  Get em at Radio Shack for under $5.  The thing that makes this part of the violet wand 'KIT" is that its been glued into an endcap.  I wish the picture was clear enough to find out what found item they're using as an end cap.  More threaded lamp tubing??

Radio antenna retail Value=  <$5.00

Way back in like 1998, long before there were real body contact pads and probes, they had to use ball chain.  Because it was all there was to use.  The first body contact pad was a piece of ball chain that attached to a piece of cardboard that was wrapped in aluminum foil. That was called 'jury-rigging' because there were no professional tools on the market yet.

And my dear readers, they are expecting you to buy this jury-rigged body contact garbage.  Theres a metal bar of sorts, shrink wrapped to a ballchain (with a piece of vinyl tube over it) and then its shrink wrapped to another lumpy -little- black turd.  Guy, whomever you are who made this 'kit', take a basic electrician's course and learn how to solder.    The answer to your flawed attempts is NOT ' More shrink wrap!!!"

ball chain and small black turd retail Value=  <$2.00

Im lazy.  Id rather have someone else make a toy than make it myself.  I know I can cut a leg off my old aluminum lawn chair, attach my old christmas tinsel, and cover the bad glue job with fur.  But I'd rather let someone else do it.

But Im only going to pay what its actually worth for christmas tinsel glued to a lawn chair leg with some fur.

We have three holidays covered in this one, folks.  Christmas tinsel, lawn chair that broke when you got drunk on the fourth of July, and remnants of an Easter bunny.

Holiday Decoration retail Value=  <$5.00

There are two whole lightbulbs in this kit.

And one...count em!  ONE glass electrode in this kit.  Im going to give the kit builder the benefit of the doubt on this one, and give a full value to the electrode.  Even though, with this 'case' history, Im inclined to believe its a repurposed antique. 

That can't -really- be more threaded lamp stock on the end of the electrode. I refuse to consider it.

Lightbulb retail Value=  $8.00

Electrode retail Value=  $30.00

Sheet of conductive material.  Its stiff, so at least its not aluminum foil.  Im going to assign it the same value as the other 54" x80" conductive sheets by professional violet wand companies.

retail Value=  <$10.00

2 configurations of radio antennas glued or screwed base to base (what, no shrink wrap?)

and

a carbon fiber rod wrapped with wire

retail Value=  <$12.00

found metal bar with small ball chain attached

retail Value=  -$0.00

Ball chain flogger.  It doesn't look too bad.  No shrink-wrap mummification, and its not lumpy.  Lord, I hope that's not electrical tape that it's wrapped in, though.  Since this is one I can't tell if its poorly made from the photo, we'll give it the benefit of the doubt and assign it the same value as the up-to-standard violet wand ball chain floggers.

retail Value=  $35.00

We finally get to the things that are NOT HOMEMADE. 

Actual retail values:

GFCI: $32

Foot switch: $45.00

Violet wand, 10 minute run time version: $229

Case: $40.00

Let's add that all up, shall we?  And the grand total actual RETAIL VALUE of this kit is $453.00

And now...for the Reveal....straight from the blog poster's experience at the actual retail store.

I keep telling you what to look for when you get a violet wand.  I keep telling you what not to get.  I do hope you're listening and that you're not actually paying this kind of price for this kind of nonsense.

 This unfortunate offering is available at Mr. S. Leather, San Francisco, California.